Even Now from Anderson Shelter by Linburn

Even now when I feel your eyes on me
There is no room I couldn't leave
If you whispered in my ear
But you never whisper

I am not the beginner I was
Never could have been enough
Silent when I sobered up
As a wide-eyed dog lost in the fog

But it's not like we can decide, who we think of at night
And you have re-appeared, after all of these years
A closed door in the distance

It's not an ache, just a fleeting craving
To return to some lost morning
With everything that is in me now, to stamp all my old weakness out
Knowing there's no time to fuck around

As we're surrounded by those we will lose
Neglecting gardens as the heaviest of news
Stacks up and numbs like paperwork, how tempting to look backwards
While the present still holds space in which to move
And I know I should

But it's not like we can decide, who we think of at night
And you have re-appeared, after all of these years
Almost a stranger

Oh, last night to my eyes
You were as easy to turn from
As a single candlelight in a dark room

And I wanted you closer
What might happen now we're older
In spite of my best thinking this is a decadent feeling

And I give in all too easy
I give in all too easy

Even now

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